What is it

The care plan is aimed at starting to prepare for the arrival a the child.

It helps build a sense of entitlement, and ease the worry of the unknown.

When is it used

It is used in session 3: The impact of loss and separation, its relevance to adoption ; Identity, difference and belonging.

It is used in conjunction with the Time Pie Chart.

Resource

List what a child in general needs, what an adoptive child might need, and what an internationally adopted child would need.

Try and answer the following questions:

• What arrangements will we make within the family home?
  • Sleeping arrangements: prepare bedroom, keeping it simple, sharing a room, sleeping in our bedroom
  • Safety precautions, from now: fencing, fencing/filling garden ponds, stair gates, cupboard locks, fire guards, remove ornaments, etc.
  • Equipment: Cot, pram, car seat, changing unit, high chair, sterilizing unit, clothes depending on child’s age, etc.
  • Pets: are they compatible, allergies, where is their litter/food?
• What arrangements will we make at work? (Especially for the year that has to be taken off work)
  • How much notice to give to the employer of plans?
  • Career break, job share, notice?
  • How long will we need to be away?
  • How long can we afford?
  • Who will be staying home, at which periods?
  • Entitlements: adoption leave, parental leave, annual leave?
• If we work outside the home, what are our plans for the child?
  • Which parent will stay at home for the first year, or more
  • Who will mind the child if we both return to work
  • Find a long term child minder
  • Think about getting a child minder who can connect with the child’s culture, maybe an au pair from the country of origin (make sure we have resolved trust issues, and sense of entitlement as a “real” parent)
  • WILL NOT use crèche care
• Who do we need to prepare in the family, and how?
  • Other children
  • Extended family, especially grand-parents, siblings, nieces and nephews
  • Those who will be in touch with the child
  • Assess attitudes and reactions
• How will we introduce the child to friends, family and children who are part of our network?
  • Provide information and educate
  • Prepare them to “funneling”: gradual introduction of the  child
  • Do not expose child too quickly
  • Short managed visits, be strict
  • Be sensitive the child’s reactions
  • Be aware that child may be sensitive to unfamiliar sounds
  • Channels all gifts, rewards and care through us
• How much do we share of our child’s personal history and whom with?
  • Prepare them to not feel entitled to all the details of the child history
  • Determine  the “need to know” of each person
  • Medical history with GP
  • Medical history and previous (traumatic) experiences with therapist and other professionals providing support
  • Full details (age appropriate) of personal history for child only
  • Have short-hand story to avoid lengthy explanations
  • Avoid shortcuts and “liberality” with the truth
• Have we prepared our own story book and how might this link with the child’s?
  • Start own story book now, significant events, our story as a couple, photos
  • Journey to adoption, preparation course, assessment, plans made, contacts, referral, preparing for the arrival
  • Travel to the country, diary of thoughts and experiences, meeting the child for the first time, photos
• Who will travel to the child’s country of origin?
  • Usually both, even if unmarried
  • Friend/relative
• How will we take part in preparing the child before they meet us?
  • Preparing child to our look, smell
  • Having stories told to the child, music played, household recordings etc., that will make them familiar with new environment
• What preparation can we make prior to travelling to the child’s country to help his/her settling in?
  • Reproduce some of the existing setting the child is familiar with (bed/no bed, lights/no lights, etc.)
  • Stocking up on food the child may be familiar with
  • Engage a doctor to help with medical issues
  • Study what can be expected in the care of a child in that age bracket
  • Find people who have adopted in similar conditions (geographical location, special needs, sole adopters, same-gender adopters)
  • Find people who are familiar with the country of origin (e.g., what to wear, social conventions, …)
  • Learn about the country, culture, but also stereotypes to avoid importing home
  • Learn “babyese”, simple language that the child will be familiar with, especially comfort words
  • Ensure everything is ready before the child’s arrival: e.g., do not postpone child proofing the house
• What will we need to take?
  • Documents: passports, visas, adoption specific documents
  • http://irishpinkadoptions.com/adoption-process/stage-8-getting-immigration-clearance/
  • Camcorder, camera, tape recorder, maps, dictionaries, phrase book, basic child’s vocabulary, diary, money, gifts
  • Clothes for self and child
  • Clothes with our smell, toys, that can be given to the child if first trip of many
  • Contact numbers on paper, including for translator
• What will we do when we are there?
  • Keep a diary
  • Go to orphanage, foster home, birth family’s home or village
  • If possible connect with birth family, and get something like an object or letter to pass on, and if possible photos and anecdotes, etc.
  • If possible connect with orphanage staff
  • Learn child’s routine
  • Suggest alternative routines be started gradually if possible
  • Make local contacts/friends we can rely on
  • Spend as much time with child as possible
  • Study culture, history, language, food, hair-care
  • Visit important places. landmarks
  • Go to shops, restaurants, religious buildings
  • Go to the country side if safe
  • Keep tickets, vouchers, supermarket receipts, restaurant menues, etc.
  • Buy souvenirs, traditional items, music tapes, children books, local newspapers, school books
  • Take photos and videos of everything!
• What will we plan to do when we  are overseas completing the adoption process?
  • Same as before
  • Fill in the gaps
  • http://irishpinkadoptions.com/adoption-process/stage-9-collecting-the-child/
  • Ensure we have all the information we can get
  • http://irishpinkadoptions.com/adoption-process/the-tools-you-will-need/gathering-family-and-medical-history/
• What will we plan to hold in trust for our child when he or she is older, or even adult?
  • Clothes they wore
  • Information about background and family
  • Photographs
  • Documents relating to the adoption
  • Birth certificates, visa, passport, nationality
  • Letter/testimonial from birth parents, orphanage staff, etc.
  • Our diary
  • Keepsakes, mementos collected during visits
  • Life story book
• How do we imagine we will change things to make our child’s transition as positive as possible?
  • Minimize changes
  • Phase out/in food, smell, sounds very gradually
  • Avoid over-stimulating environment (noise, lights, etc.)
  • Few toys
  • Ensure we gathered enough information from carers about child’s background, life to date, routine, likes, dislikes, soothing mechanisms
  • Spend as much time  with child in the country of origin as possible
  • Always have one parents available to meet the child’s need
  • Funnel introduction to family, friends
• Who will we turn to for help and support in those first days/weeks/months as we get to know our child?
  • Family, friends
  • Other adoptive parents, support groups
  • Social workers, family doctor, local health center, public health nurse, experts
• How will we organize time for ourselves?
  • When child sleeps
  • On week-ends, with child, do something different
  • Once a month first, then once a week, get someone the child trusts to mind the child for couple-time
  • Share responsibility and caring to allow individual time out, especially for the person who stays home the first year
  • Keep some key hobbies, interests no matter what