Find here a number of links to useful material to prepare yourself for adoption.
- Recommended reading and viewing
- Country information
- Your story
- CONTEMPLATING ADOPTION (Considering)
- What triggered your desire to adopt?
- How long did you contemplate the idea before starting to take yourself seriously?
- Who did you talk to about adoption?
- What resources (books, video, TV) did you consult while considering adopting?
- How involved was your support network in your decision?
- How did your feelings about adopting change over time?
- What was your view on what 'family' means before considering adoption?
- What process did you use to weight your options?
- SHADE OF PINK
- What is your 'shade of pink'? (Where in the LGBT community do you feel you fit?)
- What label are others in the LGBT community attaching to you?
- Did you have 'pink' role models in your family while growing up?
- How were you impacted by the sexuality of your parents, as a child?
- Who were you 'out' to about your sexuality prior to considering adoption?
- Who did you 'come out' to in the process of considering adoption?
- Who did you ‘come out’ to in the process of applying for adoption?
- Who did you 'come out' to after the adoption?
- Who are you not 'out' to?
- Did you have to go 'back into the closet' at some stage in the process?
- Did you have a fear of being 'outed' at any stage in the process?
- ADOPTER'S BACKGROUND
- Do you have a 'diversity' other than being part of the LGBT community?
- By what diversities are others defining you?
- Did you have a traumatic past? (Neglect, abuse, inconsistent parenting, loss)
- How did your past impact your life, relationships and family life?
- How would you describe your relationship to your parents before they knew about your desire to adopt?
- How would you describe your relationship to your family before they knew about your desire to adopt?
- How would you describe your relationship to your friends before they knew about your desire to adopt?
- How would you describe your relationship to 'the scene' before they knew about your desire to adopt?
- How would you describe your relationship to your neighbors before they knew about your desire to adopt?
- How do you relate to your 'heritage' and ancestry?
- How have you dealt with loss in the past?
- Were you 'political' before starting the adoption process?
- Were you an activist of LGBT rights before starting the adoption process?
- Were you involved in advocating children’s rights before starting the adoption process?
- Were you involved in advocating adoption before starting the adoption process?
- What mattered most at diverse stages of the process: your 'pinkness' or other diversities? (Real or perceived)
- DECIDING TO ADOPT
- When did you decide to adopt?
- Whose advice did you seek to make your decision?
- Whose advice counted most in reaching your decision?
- Did you consider the financial implications?
- Did you decide 'money would follow' and did you put the financial criteria on the side?
- Did you feel your decision to adopt had a charitable aspect to it?
- How much selfishness was there in your decision to adopt?
- How long between deciding to adopt, and applying?
- Did you already have other children? How were they involved?
- APPLYING AND BEING ASSESSED
- What is your experience of applying for adoption
- Did you find you were missing some documents or information?
- How intrusive did you find the whole process?
- Would you have done it if you had known what you know now, after adopting?
- Would you do it again?
- Which part of the education process did you find most useful?
- Which part of the education process did you find least useful?
- Did you find the training provided by the HSE useful prior to adopting?
- Did you find the training provided by the HSE useful after having adopted?
- Did you feel supported in the process of adopting?
- Do you think you helped other applicants in the education process?
- Do you think other applicants helped you in the education process?
- Did you have a family tree before considering adoption?
- Did you find it useful to research your family tree?
- What do you think should have been different in the law?
- What do you think should have been different in the application process?
- What do you think should have been different in the education process?
- What do you think should have been different in the assessment process?
- What would you have done differently?
- Did you have to appeal the decision?
- Did you need to complain at any stage?
- Were you aware of the complaint procedure?
- Did you trust you could (have) complain(ed) without prejudice?
- Did you discuss with the social worker the process and support available in case of the adoption being "disrupted" or "dissolved"?
- Did you feel empowered by the whole application and assessment process?
- How did it feel when you received the decision on your eligibility and suitability?
- MEETING THE CHILD
- What were your 'criteria' when looking for a child
- How did you decide on the preferred gender for the child?
- How did you decide on the preferred age of the child?
- How did you decide on the size of the adopted family group? (Number of children if more than one, combinations of ages and genders, twinship, etc)
- Did you know enough about the child before the first meeting?
- Were you aware of any physical, psychological, social, etc., impairments of the child?
- How did you choose a country of origin?
- How important was the ‘pink’ friendliness of the country of origin?
- Where did you find information about the country of origin?
- Did you feel you had to lie to the foreign authorities about your ‘pinkness’, or on other topics?
- How did you find a referral?
- How were you matched with your child?
- How many children have you been matched with?
- How did you feel about having to decline a referral/match?
- Did you ever feel like accepting a match that was not feeling quite right, just to ‘be done with it’?
- How did you decide the match was right?
- Did you feel the child took part into the decision?
- How did the first meeting with the child go?
- Did you have a chance to bond with the child in the home country?
- Did you ever feel bad about removing the child from the country?
- How did the home coming go?
- Was the 'non legally adopting' parent involved in the process abroad?
- How was the ‘non legally adopting’ parent involved in the choices made abroad, and home-coming?
- Did the arrival of the child feel as you had expected it to?
- How quickly did you bond with the child?
- How quickly did the child bond with you?
- Did you experience an ‘adoption blues’ after the arrival of the child?
- Did you ever think about calling it all off? (From applying till the first days with the child)
- How easy was it to register the foreign adoption?
- Was it easy to get immigration clearance?
- BEING 'INSTANT PARENTS'
- How did you prepare to ‘instant parenthood’?
- When did you start preparing the house to welcome the child?
- Did the people around you treat you as an ‘expectant’ parent? Did you?
- How did introduce the child to your parents?
- How did introduce the child to your family?
- How did introduce the child to your friends
- How did your friends react to being introduced to your child?
- How did your neighbors react to you becoming adoptive parents?
- How did the 'scene' react to you becoming adoptive parents?
- How do you introduce your child to strangers?
- What kind of remarks are strangers making about your child?
- How do strangers react to your child being adopted into a 'pink' household?
- Do you ever feel you are not the ‘real parent’?
- How did you select the health professionals for your child?
- How did you let the health professionals find out that you child was adopted?
- How did you let the health professionals find out that you household was 'pink'?
- How did the health professionals react to the situation of your child?
- How did you select the school for your child?
- How did you let the school find out that you child was adopted?
- How did you let the school find out that you household was 'pink'?
- How did the school react to the situation of your child?
- How did you let work know that you household was 'pink'?
- How did work react to the situation of your family? (Employer, employees, customers, colleagues, et al.)
- IMPACT ON THE COUPLE
- Were both members of the couple as motivated to apply for adoption?
- Would you have chosen to adopt as a couple if you could have had?
- Would you (have) become civil partners? (Without parental rights)
- Would you get married if you could?
- How did you decide which person in the couple will apply as a sole applicant?
- How was the ‘non legally adopting’ parent involved in the whole process?
- How did the ‘non legally adopting’ parent feel?
- How is parental authority practically shared?
- Were both members of the couple as well prepared to be parents?
- Are your ‘couple politics’ impacting your parenting?
- Is the adopted child playing one parent against another?
- How was your sex-life impacted after your decision to adopt?
- How was your sex-life impacted after the adoption?
- How were the 'roles' shared in your couple before adopting?
- How have the 'roles' been shared in your couple since adopting?
- Breaking up: did it happen or nearly happen? How? Why?
- Are both parents equally recognized by various people? (Child, authorities, school, health professionals, friends and family, et al.
- How do people react to your couple as parents of your adopted children?
- DAY TO DAY LIFE
- Have you become more involved in activism since adopting?
- Are you involved in school life? (E.g., in the parent’s association)
- Are you involved in voluntary work? (E.g., charity or neighbors’ association)
- How well did the child settle?
- Has there been an initial period of 'honeymoon'?
- Has there been a grieving process of the child for one's past life?
- Has there been a need for counseling/therapy? (In the couple, in the family, for individuals)
- What is the hardest part of raising an adopted child?
- What is the hardest part of being a 'pink' household?
- How did you relationship to your family and friends change since you adopted?
- How did you relationship to the scene change since you adopted?
- How did you relationship to your neighbors change since you adopted?
- How did you relationship to work change since you adopted?
- Have you been focusing on you career the same since the adoption?
- Do you require more flexibility at work, do you get it, and how does it affect your career?
- Where did you feel you were unprepared/failing?
- Where were you surprised to be more prepared than expected?
- What is the impact of having only one legal parent? (Health, school, etc.)
- Are you a good parent?
- As a couple, are you good parents?
- Are you made feel by others you are a good parent?
- How could you be a better parent?
- What should you stop doing?
- What should you keep doing?
- What should you do differently?
- Who provides you with the best advice in raising your child?
- How do you define a 'family' now?
- Why are you in the best interest of the child?
- Do you sometimes regret adopting?
- What is the single most important thing you learned from adopting?
- THE ADOPTEE'S POINT OF VIEW
- Did the child have a traumatic past? (Neglect, abuse, inconsistent parenting, loss)
- How did the past of the child impact the family?
- What is the hardest part of being an adopted child?
- Does the child regret having been adopted?
- What is the hardest part of having 'pink' parents?
- Does the child regret having been adopted in a 'pink' family?
- How does the child relate to one's parent's 'pinkness'?
- How does the child relate to one's birth parents?
- How does the child relate to the 'birth story'?
- How does the child explain the family situation to others?
- How is the child defining oneself as regard the diversity of one's family?
- Is the child defining oneself by another type of diversity?
- How is the child's diversity perceived by others?
- Is the child out about one's parents?
- How does the child's sexuality (after it has bloomed) relates to one's parents'? (Birth if known, and adoptive)
- Is being adopted by same-gender parents better than being adopted by a single heterosexual parent?
- Are two fathers as good as two mothers, a mother and father, or one single parent?
- Where did the child find gender balance?
- What are the 3 things the adopted child would like one's parents to have known before adopting?
- BIRTH FAMILY
- Do you know anything about the birth family?
- Do you know enough about the birth family?
- Did you meet the birth family?
- What was the birth family’s story?
- How attached was the child to the birth family or other carers?
- If the child had a traumatic childhood, how do you feel towards the birth family?
- How do the birth family and other carers feature in the child’s story?
- How do the birth family and other carers feature in the stories you tell the child?
- How do you feel about the birth family and other carers?
- Have you been made feel ‘you are not the real parents’?
- Is the child still in contact with the birth family or other carers?
- Is there a plan to support the child if they decide to seek their birth parents?
- Are you still in contact with the birth family or other carers?
- RITUALS
- Do you have a ritual to celebrate the child's arrival? Does it have a name?
- Was there an ‘entrusting’ ritual to symbolically pass custody of the child to your family?
- Do you have a ritual to celebrate the child's birth family?
- Has a ritual been considered to deal with grief and loss?
- Do you have ways to give a positive image of adoption to the child?
- Are there social rituals that make your life harder?
- How do you handle mother's day?
- How do you handle father's day?
- How do you handle birthdays?
- Was your religion compatible with the child's religious heritage?
- Was your culture compatible with the child's cultural heritage?
- How did you incorporate the child's heritage to your own cultural practices?
- What did the arrival of the child change in your cultural practices?
- Did you learn a new language for the child?
- How did you family, friends, et al., adapt to your child's background?
- How did the child integrate to your religious community? (If any)
- Were you going to ‘LGBT’ events, like ‘Gay pride’, before adopting?
- Have you been going to ‘LGBT’ events, like ‘Gay pride’, since after adopting?
- Have you been brought you child to ‘LGBT’ events, like ‘Gay pride’?
- POLITICAL STATEMENTS
- Is it in the best interest of the child that the parents raising the child be married?
- Is the HSE a good judge of the best interest of (adopted) children?
- What part of the constitution do you think we need to change to allow same-gender (universal) marriage?
Is it not simpler to try and pass a law and see if it is challenged? - What would be wrong with giving parental authority to both adults raising a child, and contracting a civil partnership?
- What would you think of someone who denies children a family?
- CONTEMPLATING ADOPTION (Considering)
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